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TEMPERANCE PIiAYS. 
Ten Nishts in a Bar Room. The Bottle. 

The Drunkard's Doom. The Drunkard. 

Price 15 Cents Each. 



No. LVII. 



THE MINOR DRAMA. 






A M0KN1NG CALL. 



&n Original QLom&iztla, 

IN ONE ACT. 

By CHARLES DANCE, Esq., 

author of " The Country Squire," " The Dustman's Belle," "The 
Magic Horn," " Who Speaks First," " A Wonderful Wo- 
man," " Delicate Ground, &c, &c, &c, 



first performed at the 

THEATRE ROYAL, DRURY LANE, 

BY HER MAJESTY'S SERVANTS, 
On Monday, March 17th, 1851. 



««a O i 



Monograph 
NEW YORK : 

SAMUEL FRENO H , 

122 Nassau Street, (TJp Stairs.) 
\ BOOKSELLER, ; 

\ (J43 Bi-o.iAw*^^ ^ 



BOOKS EVERY AMATEUR SHOULD HAVE. 
AMATEUR'S GUIDE ; or, How to Get up Homo Theatricals and to Act in Them, with Rules, By- 
Laws. Selected Scenes, Plays and other useful information for Amateur Societies. Price 25 Cts. 

GUIDE TO THE STAGE. 15 cents. ART OF ACTING. 15 cents. 
Anything on this cover sent by mail on receipt of price. 



FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. 



Price 15 Cents each..— Bound Volumes $1. 25. 



VOL. I. 
lion 
2 Fazio 
S The Lady of Lyons 

4 Richelieu 

5 The Wife 

6 The Honeymoon 

T The School for Scandal 

8 Money 

VOL. II. 

9 The Stranger 

10 Grandfather Whitehead 

11 Richard III 

12 Love's Sacrifice 

13 The Gamester 

14 A Cure for the Heartache 

15 The Hunchback 

16 Don Ctesar de Bazan 

VOL. III. 

17 The Poor Gentleman 

18 Hamlet 

19 Charles II 

20 Venice Preserved 
27 ,'izarro 

22 The Love Chase 

23 Othello 

24 Lend me Five Shillings 

VOL. IV. 

25 Virginius 

26 King of the Commons 

27 London Assurance 

28 The Rent Day 

29 TwoGentlemenofVeron* 

30 The Jealous Wife 

31 The Rivals 

32 Perfection 

VOL. V. [Debts 

33 A New Way to Pay Old 

34 Look Before You Leap 
So King John 

36 Nervous Man 

37 Damon and Pythias 

38 Clandestine Marriage 

39 William Tell 

40 Day after tho Wedding 

VOL. VI. 

41 Speed the Plough 

42 Romeo and Juliet 

43 Feudal Times 

44 Charles the Twelfth 

45 The Bridal 

46 The Follies of a Night 

47 Iron Chest [Fair Lady 

48 Faint Heart Never Won 

VOL. VII. 

49 Road to Ruin 

50 Macbeth 

51 Temper 

52 Evadne 
| 53 Bertram 

54 The Duenna 

55 Much Ado About Nothing 

56 The Critio 

VOL. VIII. 

57 The Apostate 

58 Twelfth Night 

59 Brutus 

60 Simpson & Co 

61 Merchant of Venice 

62 Old Headsfe Young Hearts 

63 Mountaineers [riage 

64 Three Weeks after Mar- 

VOL. IX. 

65 Love 

66 As You Like It 

67 The Elder Brother 

68 Werner 

69 Gisippus 

70 Town and Country 

71 King Lear 

72 Blua Devils 

VOL. X. 

73 Henry Vllt 

74 Married and Single 

75 Henry IV 

76 Paul Pty 

77 Guy Mannering 

78 Sweethearts and Wives 

79 Serious Family 

80 She Stoops to Conquer 



VOL. XI. 

81 Julius Caesar 

82 Vicar of Wakefield 

83 Leap Year 

84 The Catspaw 

85 The Passing Cloud 

86 Drunkard 

87 Rob Roy 

88 George Barnwell 

VOL. XII. 

89 Ingomar 
91 Sketches in India 

91 Two Friends 

92 Jane Shore 

93 Corsican Brothers 

94 Mind your own Business 

95 Writing on the Wall 

96 Heir atLs.tr 

VljL. XIII. 

97 Sadler's Daughter 
jZ Douglas 
99 Marco Spada 

100 Nature's Nobleman 

101 Sardanapalus 

102 Civilization 

103 The Robbers 

104 Katharine and Petruchio 

VOL. XIV. 

105 Game of Love 

106 Midsummer Night's 

107 Ernestine [Dream 

108 R»g Picker of Paris 

109 Flying Dutchman 

110 Hypocrite » 

11 1 Therese 

112 La Tour de Nesle 

VOL. XV. 

113 Ireland As It Is 

114 Sea of Ice 

1 15 Seven Clerks 

116 Game of Life 

117 Forty Thieves 

118 Bryan Boroihme 

119 Romance and Reality 

120 Ugolino 

VOL. XVI. 

121 The Tempest 

122 The Pilot 

123 Carpenter of Rouen 

124 Kings Rival 

125 Little Treasure 

126 Dombey and Son 

127 Parents and Guardians 

128 Jewess 

VOL. XVII 

129 Camille 

130 Married Life 

131 Wenlock of Wenlock 

132 Rose of Ettrickvale 

133 David Copperfield 

134 Aline, or the Rose of 

135 Pauline [Killarney 

136 Jane Eyre 

VOL. XVIII. 

137 Night and Morning 

138 ^Ethiop 

139 Three Guardsmen 

140 Tom Cringle 

141 Heuriette, the Forsaken 

142 Eustache Baudin 

143 Ernest Maltravers 

144 Bold Dragoons 

VOL. XIX. 

145 Dred, or the Dismal 

[ Swamp 

146 Last Days of Pompeii 

147 Esmeralda 

148 Peter Wilkins 

149 Ben the Boatswain 

150 Jonathan Bradford 

151 Retribution 

152 Minerali 
VOL. XX. 

153 French Spy 

IJ4 Wept of Wish-ton Wish 

155 Evil Genius 

156 Ben Bolt 

157 Sailor of France 

158 Red Mask 

159 Life of an Actress 
Wedding Day 



[Moscow 



VOL. XXI. 

161 All's Fair in Love 

162 Hofer 

163 Self 
lo4 Cinderella 
!(>5 Phantom 

166 Franklin 

167 The Gunmakef of 

168 The Love of a Prince 
VOL. XXII. 

169 Son of the Night 

170 Rory O'More 

171 Golden Eagle 

172 Rienzi 
Mi Broken Sword 

174 Rip Van Winkle 

175 Isabelle 

176 Heart of Mid Lothian 
VOL. XXIII. 

177 Actress of Padua 

178 Floating B#acon 

179 Bride of Lamermoor 

180 Cataract of the Ganges 

181 Robber of the Rhine 

182 School of Reform 

183 Wandering Boys 

184 Mazeppa 
VOL. XXIV. 

185 Young New York 

186 The Victims 

187 Romance after Marriage 
183 Brigand 

189 Poor of New York 

190 Ambrose Gwinett 

191 Ravmond and Agnes 

192 Gambler's Pate 
VOL. XXV. 

193 Father and Son 

194 Massaniello 

195 Sixteen String Jack 

196 Youthful Queen 

197 Skeleton Witness 

198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 

199 Miller and his Men 

200 Aladdin 
VOL. XXVI. 

201 Adrienne the Actress 

202 Undine 

203 Jessie Brown 

204 Asmodeus 

205 Mormons 

206 Blanche of Brandywine 

207 Viola 

208 Deseret Deserted 
VOL. XXVII. 

209 Americans in Paris 

210 Victorine 

211 Wizard of the Wave 

212 Castle Spectre 

213 Horse-shoe Robinson 

214 Armand, Mrs Mowatt 

215 Fashion, Mrs Mowatt 

216 Glance at New York 
VOL. XXVIII. 

217 Inconstant 

218 Uncle Tom's Cabin 

219 Guide to the Stage 

220 Veteran 

221 Miller of New Jersey 

222 Dark Hour before Dawn 

223 Midsum'r Night's Dream 
'Laura Keene's Edition 

224 Art and Artifice 
VOL. XXIX 

225 Poor Young Man 

226 Ossawattomie Brown 

227 Pope of Rome 

228 Oliver Twist 

229 Pauvrette 
30 Man in the Iron Mask 

231 Knight of Arva 

232 Moll Pitcher 
VOL. XXX. 

33 Black Eyed Susan 

34 Satan in Paris 

35 Rosina Meadows [ess 

236 West End, or Irish Heir- 

237 Six Degrees of Crime 

238 The Laiy and the Devil 

239 Avenger, or M oor of Sici ■ 

240 Masks and Faces [ly 



{Catalogue continued on third page of cover.) 



VOL. XXXI. 

241 Merry Wives of Windsor 

242 Mary's Birthday 

243 Shandy Maguire 

244 Wild Hats 

245 Michael Erie 

246 Idiot Witness 

247 Willow Copse 

248 People's Lawyer 
VOL. XXXII. 

249 The Boy Martyrs 

250 Lucretia Borgia 

251 Surgeon of Paris 

252 Patrician's Daughter 

253 Shoemaker of Toulouse 

254 Momentous Question 

255 Love and Loyalty 

256 Robber's Wife 
VOL. XXXIII. 

257 Dumb Girl of Genoa 

258 Wreck Ashore 

259 Clari 

260 Rural Felicity 

261 Wallace 

262 Madelaine 

263 The Fireman 

264 Grist to the Mill 
VOL. XXXIV. 

265 Two Loves and a Life 

266 Annie Blake 

267 Steward 

268 Cap'aiu Kyd 

269 Nick of the Woods 

270 Marble Heart 

271 Second Love 

272 Dream at Sea 
VOL. XXXV. 

273 Breach of Promise 

274 Review 

275 Lady of the Lake 

276 Still Water Runs Deep 

277 The Scholar 

278 Helping Hands 
"9 Faust and Marguerite 

Last Man 

VOL. XXXVI. 

281 Belle's Stratagem 

282 Old and Young 

283 Raffaella 
J84 Ruth Oakley 

285 British Slave 

286 A Life's Ransom 
237 Giralda 

288 Time Tries All 
VOL. XXXVII. 

289 Ella Rosenburg 
"" Warlock of the Glen 

291 Zelina 

292 Beatrice 

293 Neighbor Jackwood 

294 Wonder 

295 Robert Emmet 

296 Green Bushes 
VOL. XXXVIII. 

297 Flowers of the Forest 

298 A Bachelor of Arts 
99 The Midnight Banquet 
00 Husband of an Hour 

301 Love's Labor Lost 

302 Naiad Queen 

303 Caprice 

304 Cradle of Liberty 
VOL. XXXIX. 

305 The Lost Ship 

306 Country Squire 
337 Fraud and its Victims 
308 Putnam 

09 King and Deserter 

310 La Fiammina 

311 A Hard Struggle 

312 Gwinnette Vaughan 
VOL. XL. 

313 The Love Knot [Judge 

314 Lavater, or Not a Bad 

315 The Noble Heart 
316Coriolanus 
317 The Winter's Tale 
3l8Eveleei Wilson 
319Ivanhce 
320 JouaU in In England 



No. LVII. 
THE MINOR DRAMA 



A MORNING CALL. 

&tt (Original CameMetta, 

IN ONE ACT. 

By CHARLES DANCE, Esq., 

author op " The Country Squire," " The Dustman's Belle," " The 
Magic Horn," " Who Speaks First," " A Wonderful Wo- 
man," " Delicate Ground, &c, &c, &c 



first performed at the 
THEATRE ROYAL, DRTJRY LANE, 

BY HER MAJESTY'S SERVANTS, 
On Monday, March 17th, 1851. 



NEW YORK: 
SAMUEL FRENCH, PUBLISHER; 

122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) 









DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



GENTLEMAN. 

Sir Edward Ardent Mr. James Anderson. 

LADY, 
Mrs. Chillingtone , Mrs. Nisbett. 



A MORNING CALL. 



SCENE. 



A well-furnished drawing-room in Mrs. Chillingtone's house 
in the country — Mrs. C. discovered working — Her work-table 
being near the fire — Snow storm without, which gradually 
ceases f and discloses a winter landscape. 

Mrs. C. People declare that everything in England is 
changed ; I wonder what they would say to this specimen of 
a fine old English winter. The snow falls thickly enough to 
chill a lover ; if, indeed, such an animal ever existed, except 
in the imagination of some dreamy poet. Talking of lovers, 
let me look at this note once again. 

[Putting down her work — taking up note and reading. 
" My dear Fanny, — 

11 1 am sorry, for my own sake, that you declined to join 
" the large and merry party who are now staying here — not 
" so for your's — for there is a plot against you, and I am for- 
" tunately enabled to put you on your guard. Never mind 
" how I came to know it — it is enough that I did not par- 
" ticularly listen, only — when gentlemen are on visits at 
" country houses, they should ascertain exactly how their 
" rooms are situated, before they talk too loud. I need not 
11 tell you, that it is well known that your early marriage 
11 was a forced one. It is, now, equally a matter of notori- 
" ety that you mistrust the whole of the opposite, or, as you 
" call them, the ' opposing* sex, and that you have resolved 
w never to marry again. I quite differ from you on this 



6 A MORNING CALL. 

" point, but never mind that — the subject was canvassed, a 
" heavy wager was laid that you would break your resolu- 
11 tion within a week ; and your appointed conqueror is Sir 
" Edward Ardent. As your house is but a few miles from 
" this, and as he has but little time to spare, if he really 
" means to win, I should not wonder if he were to ride over 
11 this very day, and make a morning call." ( Spealdng.) In- 
" deed ! " He has the reputation of making great profes- 
" sions to every handsome woman he meets, without coining 
" to the point with any; but you know him better than I do." 
(Speaking.) Yes, I know him. " He is a good-looking, 
11 good-for-nothing, fascinating fellow, and that's the truth, 
"I only wish he would make love to me." (Speaking.) No 
doubt, my dear. " However, I believe he is in very safe 
" hands with you." (Speaking. So do I.) "Take care of- 
" yourself, and make an example of him for the sake of our 
" sex in general, and of yours, dear Fanny, in particular. 

Charlotte." 
So, my gentleman, I am to surrender in less than a week, 
am I ? the fortress must be badly defended indeed, that 
can't hold out for that time. It isn't worth thinking of, and 
I don't care a pin about it ; but the man's impudence is al- 
most provoking, and, little as it signifies, I delare I can hard- 
ly help wishing that this renowned general would commence 
his attack, that I may silence his batteries, and send him 
about his business (Shivering.) Ugh ! how cold it is, a 
little bit of a skirmish might warm one, for positively the 
fire wont. [Rings the bell, and pokes the Ure. 

Enter Sir Edward Ardent, in a hunting dress. 

Sir E. (Aside.) The snow puts an extinguisher on our 
hunting to-day, and some amusement I must have, so I have 
come to try if I can win the widow, and my bet. (She rings 
a second time.) She rings again — what does she want, I 
wonder ? 

Mrs. C. Coals. 

Sir E. Ma'am? 

Mrs. C Coals. 

Sir E. Coals? 

Mrs C. (Looking up.) Dear me, Sir Edward Ardent I 
declare, I beg your pardon, I took you for my servant. 

Sir E. Would that you would keep me for your servant ! 



A MORNING CALL. 1 

Mrs. C. What wages do yoR ask ? 

Sir E. I'll serve you for love. 
Mrs. C. You'll never get paid. 

Sir E. Engage me, and I'll take my chance 
Mrs. C. You have great confidence. 

Sir E. Not too much. 
Mrs. C. Yes you have —in yourself, I mean. 

Sir E. Never mind, en^gage me ? 
Mrs. C. I've heard a bad character of you froni your 
last place. 

Sir E. Indeed ! from whom ? 

Mrs. C. From your mistress, to be sure. 

Sir E. What mistress ? 

Mrs. C. Have you so many ? 

Sir E. None ! but I seek one, and that one 

Mrs. C. Will have a remarkably troublesome servant. 

Sir E. Well, if I am not allowed to finish a sentence 



Mrs. C. My very good friend, when you are talking with 
a lady, think yourself remarkably well off if you are allowed 
to begin a sentence. 

Sir E. I am quite aware that ladies 

Mrs C. Are very unreasonable on that subject — gener- 
ally speaking, they are — I am an exception. You wish to 
say something ? 

Sir E. 1 do — something very 

Mrs C. Stop a minute — you shall have every cnance 
- — sit down and warm yourself, while I work, (he sits.) 
when you feel inclined to speak — speak., and I won't inter- 
rupt 1ST. J *•** i 

Sir E: (rises.) I cannot sit — I am too much agitated. 
(paces the stage.) 

Mrs C. Well, whatever you do, don't walk about, for 
that is unbearable. 

Sir E. I don't know what to do. 

Mrs C. Poor man ! then I'll tell you — fetch the scut- 
tle, and put on some coals. 

Sir E. Hadn't I better ring for your servant ? 

Mrs C. Certainly not ! when I rung for him you an- 
swered the bell, and not only that, but you applied for the 
place. 

Sir E. He is shaking the snow off my coat. 

Mrs C. An additional reason for your doing his work, 



8 A MORNING CALL. 

and so let me see how well you can do it. (he fetches the 
scuttle, which he carries with both hands.) Yery well, very 
well — upon my word I think you have been in service be- 
fore ; there, don't spill them, or I shall have to send you 
about your business. 

Sir E. (stopping.) Mrs. Chillingtone, listen to me, I am 
serious 

Mrs C. Not with the coal-scuttle in your hand, usrely. 

Sir E. It is very hard that you will turn every thing I 
say into ridicule : however, in the hope that artificial 
warmth may thaw the natural iciness of your disposition, I 
will make up the fire before I unburthen my mind. 

Mrs C. Stop ! I have had hundreds of serious speeches 
made to me, but it just occurs to me that I never heard one 
from a man with a scuttle full of coals. Speak just as you 
are, scuttle and all. 

Sir E. No 1 indeed, I shall not. 

Mrs C. Now, do, pray ; you can't think how well you 
look. 

Sir E. You must excuse me. I certainly cannot see 
why a man who feels earnestly should not express himself 
earnestly at any moment ; neither do I see that the ebul- 
lition of a genuine feeling is rendered less worthy of atten- 
tion by the accidental circumstance of his having a coal- 
scuttle in his hand ; but (throwing some coals on.) you have 
chosen to point attention to the fact, and possibly (throw- 
ing more.) there may be some degree of ridicule attached to 
it. Therefore, although I burn fco speak (he looks at her, she 
is looking another way") I say, Mrs. Chillingtone, although 
I burn to speak (throwing all that remains on.) 

Mrs. C. Don't smother the fire on any account. 

Sir E. (putting down the scuttle, and pacing the stage — 
aside.) Her cool indifference is past belief. I'm not used to 
be treated in such a way by woman, and yet there are mo- 
ments when I fancy that she is listening more than she pre- 
tends to be. 

Mrs C. Are you speaking to me, Sir Edward ? be- 
cause I don't hear one word you say. 

Sir E. I was talking to myself. 

Mrs C. And there is no better way of ensuring an at- 
tentive listener. 

Sir E. Thank you, Madam. 



> 



A MORNING CALL* 9 

Mrs C. (rising and coming forward.) You and I have 
known one another a long time; why say "Madam?" it 
sounds very formaL 

Sir E. Does it, does it 1 (aside.) She thaws — by 
Jupiter, she thaws ! (aloud, and earnestly.) Does it ? 

Mrs C. Does it, does it, does it ? Why, yes, it does— • 
and what then ? 

Sir E. (aside.) Down to the freezing point again. I'll 
pretend to go, and try what that will do. 

Mrs C. 1 haven't had the speech yet ; when are you 
going to begin ? 

Sir E. Some other time ; I think I hear a carriage. 
(going.) 

Mrs C. I hear none, but if any body should call, I can 
say V not at home." 

Sir E. (aside.) Oh, ho, my lady ! (returning.) Well, 
since you will say " not at home " 

Mrs. C. I didn't say I would — I only said I could. 

Sir E. Mrs. Chillingtone, good morning, (going.) 

Mrs C. Nonsense ! stay where you are, you restless 
man. 

Sir E. You're very kind, but I must go. (goes to door, 
which he opens and holds in hand, standing half -in and half- 
out.) 

Mrs C. Where to ? 

Sir E. I don't know ; but good bye. 

Mrs C. Till when, then ? 

Sir E. (aside.) She says " till when ?" It's my private 
opinion she wishes me to stay. 

Mrs C. Till when ? 

Sir E. Till to-morrow, (aside.) One day's absence will 
bring her to her senses, (going.) 

Mrs C. Not to-morrow, you cruel man. 

Sir E. (shutting door and returning.) Ah ! you wish me 
not to go to-day. 

Mrs C. I don't wish you not to go to-day — I only wish 
you not to come to-morrow. 

Sir E. Shall you be out ? 

Mrs C. No, I shall be at home ; but I shan't want you. V 

Sir E. (aside.) It's nothing to me ; but as sure as fate, 
there's a man in the case — it's nothing to mc, I say, but I 
don't like it. (aloud.) " You shan't want me," Mrs. Chilling- 



10 A MORNING CALL. 

tone — " you shan't want me ?" that is, don't misunderstand 
me, I don't mean to say it's likely you would want me, but 
when you say you don't want me, it seems as much as to say 
you don't wish for me ; of course, I don't mean to say it's 
likely you would wish for me, but when you say, or if you 
say, you don't wish forme, it's almost as much as to say that 
you wish me away ; I say almost, I don't say quite. 

Mrs. C. But I do ; you have been a long time arriving 
at a conclusion, but the curious part of the business is that 
you have arrived at the right one. 

Sir E. After such a declaration, it would be folly in me 
to say another word. 

Mrs. C. A declaration ? good gracious ! Who has 
made a declaration ? I heard none. 

Sir E. This is trifling ; I say it would be folly in me to 
say another word. 

Mrs. C. So it would, so it would ; but you'll 'say it for 
all that. 

Sir E. Well, I believe I shall, in fact, I must ; I have a 
question to ask you — a question, my dear Mrs. Chillingtone, 
to Which I must entreat your most serious attention, (she 
walks gently off to her own room.) I will not add to your em- 
barrassment by even looking at you while you answer it, 
contenting myself with merely begging that your answer may 
be a candid one. (listens,) Yes, cost what it may, a candid 
one. (listens again.) I pause for your assurance that it shall 
be a candid one. (aside.) She hesitates — she's lost. 

Mrs. C. (calling from within.) Are you gone, Sir Ed- 
ward ? 

Sir E. Gone, Mrs. Chillingtone ? gone ? Why you 
are gone. 

Mrs. C. (re-entering.) Only for the moment. I went for 
my thimble. 

Sir. E. Went for your thimble ! (aside.) Women have 
always an excuse at the tips of their fingers, (aloud.) Only 
for a moment ! Don't you know what Mrs. Haller says ? 
" There are moments in which we live years." 

Mrs. C. I must beg, Sir Edward, that you won't quote 
Mrs. Haller to me. I never associate with ladies of that 
description. 

Sir E. (aside.) This is put on — she must be shamming, 
for she couldn't know that I was — how deceitful women are ! 



A MORNING CALL. 11 

but I will go now. (going to door.) I positively will go. 
(opens door, then stops — aloud.) Surely you heard my ques- 
tion. 

Mrs. C. Well, I fancied I heard you mumbling some- 
thing. 

Sir E. Mumbling ! (aside.) Well, well, I'll bear it all — 
my turn must come, (aloud.) I asked you why you wished 
me away ? 

Mrs. C. What ! to-morrow? 

Sir E. Yes. 

Mrs. C. Oh ! because I expect somebody else. 

Sir E. A man ? 

Mrs. C. Ah, that's the worst of it ! 

Sir E. A husband, perhaps ? 

Mrs. C. No, a simple man. 

Sir E, The more simple, the more likely to become a 
husband. 

Mrs C. That is the most natural thing you have said 

yet 

Sir E. Why so. 
Mrs. C. It's so rude. 
ySir E. I didn't mean to be rude ; make allowance for 
ray feelings — I feared it was a husband. 

Mrs. C You needed not have feared it. When you 
asked if it was a man that I expected, I said " that's the 
worst of it." I could not have said that, if it had been a 
husband. / 

Sir E. Now, who is rude ?/but I care nothing for the 
rudeness-Z-Lilerive warmth ana comfort from the openness 
of that assurance. 

Mrs. C. (imitating his tone.) And I derive neither warmth 
nor comfort from the openness of that door ! so I wish you 
would shut it. » 

Sir E. Oh, Mrs. Chillingtone, you are too cold. 

Mrs. C. I told you so. 

Sir E. (going towards door.) Be content ; I am about 
to shut it once and for ever. 

Mrs C. And when you have shut it, on which side of it 
do you propose to remain ? 

Sir E. Has the lovely Mrs. Chillingtone a choice upon 
the subject ? 

Mrs. C. The lovely Mrs. Chillingtone has no choice upon 



12 a morning Call. 

the subject — but the lovely Mrs. Chillingtone, like the rest 
of her too fascinating sex, has considerable curiosity. 

Sir E. Your wish shall be gratified — I remain on this 
side, {comes in, having shut the door.) 

Mrs. C. I excuse the impertinence of that speech for the 
sake of its amusing vanity, j 

Sir E. {aside.) I'll let he^ go on — I'll let her go on — 
there will come a day of reckoning. 
Mrs. C. Weil, Sir? 
Sir E. Well, Ma'am ! 

Mrs. C. Oh, nonsense ! you mustn't repeat my words — 
you must say something ; suppose this were a play, you 
couldn't come into a room where a lady was, shut the door, 
and not speak. 

Sir E. Perhaps you will be good enough to furnish the 
plot of the play. 

Mrs. C. I fancy it would be more in my way to act it ; 
however, I'll try my hand. I must begin, I believe, with the 
stage directions. 

Sir E. If you please, 

Mrs C. Well — "The stage represents a drawing-room 
in Mrs. Chillingtone's country house — a large party are as- 
sembled at another country house, a few miles off." 
Sir E. What, on the stage ? 

Mrs C. No, no ! that is only for your information, to 
Irelp you what to say ; now, don't interrupt me, and don't 
speak till I tell you. " Mrs. C. has been strongly pressed 
to join the party at her neighbor's house ; but, knowing her- 
self to be rather an attractive person, and knowing that 
men, always more or less silly about women, think it behoves 
them to make especfal donkies of themselves when on a visit 
it a country house, she has declined. '* One of the gentle- 
men " 

Sir E. Donkies ! 

Mrs C. " Sir Edward Ardent, by name" — (I told you 
not to interrupt me, and you see what you have got by it,) 
— "thinks proper to ride over to Mrs. Chillingtone's under 
pretence of a " morning call," although it is very evident to 
her, that he has some other object lurking behind. 
Sir E. How does she know that ? 
Mrs C. I'm writing a play, and I'm not bound to tell 
more than I like. 



A MORNING CALL 13 

Sir E. But I have to speak presently, and I want in- 
formation. 

Mrs C. You shall have more than you want. " Sir Ed 
ward, like hundreds of other moderately good-looking men, 
has been humoured by sundry weak women until he fancies 
himself irresistible." 

Sir E. (aside) He may prove so yet, 

Mrs C. " And, taking advantage of a previous acquain- 
tance with Mrs. C. to deprive her of her privilege of saying 
" not at home," he breaks through the ordinary rules of so- 
ciety — enters — her room without being announced — and" — 
*, Sir E. Stay ! I can explain all. 
T"* Mrs C. Can you ? that is just what I want ; but don't 
be in a hurry — pull that couch this way. (he fulls a couch 
to the centre of the stage.) " Mrs. Chillingtone, though aston- 
ished at his coolness, takes her seat on one side of the couch 
(she sits) and motions Sir Edward to occupy the other" (he 
prepares to do so — when he zs nearly seated, Mrs. C. puts her 
hand under his arm and causes him to rise again) " He has 
almost done so when he suddenly recollects that he has omit- 
ted to bow on accepting the invitation." (he lows to her) 
" Having supplied the omission, he takes his seat, and Mrs. 
Chillingtone waits patiently for the promised explanation of 
his extraordinary conduct." 

Sir E. I can give it in five words. 

Mrs C. Not less ? 

Sir E. Yes, in three — " I love you 1" 

Mrs C. Stay a minute — let me clearly understand. Are 
you carrying on the little drama I began, or are you, Sir 
Edward Ardent, Bart., in your own proper person, addres- 
sing yourself to me — Fanny Chillingtone, widow ? 

Sir E. I hope you don't take me for an actor. 

Mrs C. Well, in love affairs, there is not much difference 
between a man on and a man off the stage — one is a profes- 
sional actor, and the other an actor of professions. 

Sir E. You think, then, that truth has no part in love 
affairs ? 

Mrs C. Oh, yes it has, I wish it hadn't. 

Sir E. Why so ? 

Mrs C. Because it always comes to late. 

Sir E. Always ? 

Mrs C. I speak from my own experience. 



14 A MORNING CALL. 

Sir E. You have never tried but once. 

Mrs C. And have no inclination to try again. 

Sir E. You think all men alike, then ? 

Mrs C. Yes, in their disposition to deceive women. 

Sir E. May there not be one exception ? 

Mrs C There may ; but it must be a golden one. 

Sir E. Come, I have gained a step at last — you admit 
there may be one exception — I trust before the week is out 
to prove myself that one. 

Mrs C. A week ? that is a very short time. 

Sir E. If I fail to convince you of my sincerity in a 
week — 

Mrs C. You'll own yourself beaten — and pay 

Sir E. (rising) Mrs. Chillingtone ! 

Mrs C. Sit down, Sir Edward — and pay your court to 
some one else. 

Sir E. (aside) What a fool I am, I had nearly betrayed 
myself ! (aloud) "Where failure would be death, I will think 
of nothing but success. 

Mrs C. What a charming speech ! many men have offer- 
ed to live for me, and I have refused them — you propose to 
die for me — now if I thought I could depend upon you 

Sir E. (aside.) Confound your impudence ! but I'll be 
even with you yet. ( Aloud.) You may — indeed, you may. 

Mrs C. As you have allowed yourself so short time for 
your conquest — hadn't you better begin ? 

Sir E. If you please. I confess, and indeed, I think 
you must feel, that I start under some disadvantage. I have 
proclaimed that I love you — I have played out, as it were, 
my thirteenth trump, and am now dependent upon you to 
bring in my strong suit. 

Mrs C. Your position is even more awkward than you 
think — if I play your cards as well as my own, you must 
be " dumby." 

Sir E. Play them on any terms, I am content — it makes 
us partners. 

Mrs. C. Was ever knave more civil to a queen ? But 
look you, Sir Knave, a husband who must not open his 
mouth 



Sir E. Can never contradict his wife. 

Mrs C. True ! but a wife who is compelled to talk for 



tW( 



A MORNING CALL. 15 

Sir E. Is confirmed, without a struggle, in her sex's 
clearest privilege. 

Mrs C. (aside) I could almost like him for his imperti' 
nence. 

Sir E. (after a pause) I'd give the world to know your 
thoughts. 

Mrs C. You shall know them for nothing ; I was think- 
ing which I should prefer — a deaf husband or a dumb one. 

Sir E. If you allude to me 

Mrs C But I do not. 

Sir E. I only said " if." If you allude to me, I will be 
dumb, not deaf. 

Mrs C Why not deaf? 

Sir E. I could not bear to see you speak, and thirst to 
hear the liquid music of your voice. 

Mrs. C. It's very kind of you to think me so charming 
and I dare say you're quite right ; but if you were dumb 
you could not tell me so. 

Sir E. What matter ? I could find other means to make 
you know it — I could lie at your feet the live-long day, like 
a pet dog, with happy eyes to see you, with greedy ears to 
hear you, and express, by mute devotion, that deep affection 
which, at last, no tongue, however eloquent, could tell. 

Mrs C. (aside) Hang the fellow, how pleasant he talks I 

Sir E. (aside) She's touched. 

Mrs C. There is only one thing, I fear, Sir Edward. 

Sir E. {earnestly) Say what it is ? It ceases with the 
utterance. 

Mrs C. If you were to become my pet dog 

Sir E. Yes ? 

Mrs C. I'm afraid you would expect me to wash and 
comb you every day. (laughs at him, rises, and walks about.) 

Sir E. (rising, and paces the stage) Really, Mrs. Chil- 
lingtone — this indifference — I wish you wouldn't laugh — this 
indifference — now, pray don't laugh — this indifference to one 
who — oh, well, if you are determined to laugh, it's useless 
to attempt opening one's mouth. 

Mrs C. There, there, I won't laugh any more (sits down) 
I'm dumb, and will only express by mute devotion, that 
fwhat is it? oh!) that deep affection which no tongue, 
however eloquent, can tell. 

Sir E. I should be sorry, Mrs. Chillingtone, to charge 



16 



A MORNIMG CALL. 



you with affectation, but this indifference is unnatural, it is 
unworthy of your sex, and, allow me to add, unlike your sex. 
(aside.) I'll try if I can make her jealous ; (aloud.) for I 
don't hesitate to tell you that it has been my fate to make 
an impression upon the fairer portion of the creation, which, 
in point of numbers, I believe to be quite unusual ; it is not 
one, two, ten, or twenty only, that I might have married, 
had I but held my little finger up. I havn't a particle of 
vanity in my composition ; but common sense tells us there 
must be something about me to account for the very marked 
preference shewn me by the ladies. 

Mrs C. Don't mistake me ! I always listen with pleas- 
ure when my own praises are sounded, though I seldom take 
the trouble to enquire to what regiment the trumpeter be- 
longs ; you may go on. 

Sir E. It is now some three years since first I met you ; 
on that occasion it was my good fortune to dance with you 
— shall I ever forget that dance ? no ! to my dying day 
the very tune will haunt me — it was a polka ! 

Mrs. C. No such thing ; it was a quadrille. 

Sir E. You're right, it was. I said it but to try you. 

Mrs C. (aside) I wish I had held my tongue. 

Sir E. {aside) I didn't remember a bit about it ; but 
that's nothing, (aloud) You are quite aware that I never 
even hinted to you the passion with which you then inspired 
me. 

Mrs C. (aside) Now, is he going to have the effrontery 
to pretend that he has been in love with me all this time ? 

Sir E. No, like the gentle Yiola, I "let concealment 
feed on my damask cheek." 

Mrs C. While you yourself fed, I suppose, on your da- 
mask table-cloth. 

Sir E. Is this a moment for levity ? I ask you, is this a 
moment for levity ? but I am rightly served — women have 
adored me by dozens, and I have sported with their feelings, 
I have slighted them, poor dears 1 but, at length, to avenge 
their sufferings, you step forward as their appointed champ- 
ion, and, I, in turn, am doomed to the bitter pangs of un- 
requited affection. Oh, Mrs. Chillingtone, may you be saved 
from such a fate ! You have many admirers ( not so many, 
I dare say, as I have,) but a great many — you snub them 



A MORNING CALL. It 

all, but beware ! the time and the man may come, and you 
may meet in our sex, the avenger I have found in yours. 

Mrs C There's no great danger. 

Sir E. I don't know that ; love delights in tormenting 
— women are weak creatures, men are full of deceit. 

Mrs C. You must be going to publish a copy-book. 

Sir E. Extremes frequently meet ; she who begins by 
hating, often ends by loving ; some day you may be addres- 
sed by one whom, like myself for instance, at first slight — he 
may be very good-looking, although you may think him plain 
— his figure may be nearly faultless, and you see nothing in 
it — his conversation, winning to all other ears, may fall un- 
heeded upon yours — nay, even his voice, to many soft and 
sweet, may sound to you harsh and discordant. And yet 
this man shall bend your stubborn spirit — and how ? I grieve 
to say by flatterv ; he shall tell you you've a pretty foot. 

MrsC. Oh, "Sir Edward ! 

Sir E. And praise, as indeed he may with truth, your 
dancing ; he shall talk of the beauty f of your figure 

Mrs C. Oh, Sir Edward ! 

Sir E. And compare it, to its advantage, with the 
classic forms of old ; he shall discourse of your brilliant 
wit 

Mrs C. Oh, Sir Edward ! you'll prevent me from speak- 
ing at all. 

Sir E. And, having thus fixed your attention, and se- 
cured your silence, he shall tell you that your voice is " link- 
ed sweetness, long drawn out," that your face [Mrs C. leans 
back, and throws a white handkerchief over her head] — but here 
description fails me — not because, as a proof of your une- 
qualled modesty, you have concealed it — but because lan- 
guage offers not the means to do it justice. He no doubt will 
feel the same difficulty, and passing to your hand, which per- 
haps he may perceive, as I do now, for once without a glove, 
he shall, transported by his feelings, venture to take it with- 
in his, and finding no resistance, even to press it to his lips 
— then will you be convinced of the depth of his devotion, 
then, on a sudden, will the change take place — then will his 
figure in an instant become good, his face handsome, his con- 
versation brilliant, and his voice musical — then : but possibly 
I offend you — I will release your hand [he lets it go, it falls 
by her side.] How is this? Is she ill ? No; slightly over- 



18 A MORNING CALL. 

come — it's only another victory, gained a little sooner than 
I expected. Edward Ardent, what the devil is there in you, 
that no woman on earth can resist you ? I must look at her 
[pulls the handkerchief from her face] Fast asleep, by all 
that's horrible ! [walks up and down, much excited'] It's enough 
to drive one mad — downright, stark, staring, raving mad — 
but she wakes. 

Mrs C. [who has only pretended to be asleep, pretending to 
awake] What's o'clock ? Oh, what a dreadful noise you 
make. I was having such a nice nap. 

Sir E. And charming dreams, no douht ? 

Mrs C. Yes, till just this minute. I dreamt that a nice, 
gentlemany man was saying all sorts of captivating things 
to me. 

Sir E. (aside) Indeed ! (aloud) You do care about 
the creatures then ? 

Mrs C. Not a bit ; but you know how absurd dreams 
are. 

Sir E. Yery likelf . " A nice, gentlemany man was 
saying all sorts of captivating things to you." 

"Mrs C. When suddenly he turned into a monkey, and 
grinned and chattered most repulsively. At length the mon- 
ster darted at my hand ; I fancied he was going to bite it, 
and 1 suppose that awoke me. 

Sir E. Others can awake from dreams as well as you. 
Madam, good morning, (going.) 

Mrs C. Where is the man going to ? 

SirE. " The man !" the monster, you mean. 

Mrs C. Well, the monster. 

Sir E. TAJhe Zoological- gardens. 

*r [Exit. 

Mrs C. He is actually gone ; and some women would 
say " I have lost him for ever." I knowing a little more of 
the world — allow him five minutes, at the outside, to return. 

Re-enter Sir Edward. 

I have been too liberal, [to Sir Edward.] What ! won't the 
Zoologicals have you ? have they too many specimens al- 
ready ? 

Sir E. No, but they won't receive me without a certifi- 
cate from you. 



A MORNING CALL. 19 

Mrs C. Of what, pray ? 

Sir E. That I have been your pet monkey. 

Mrs C. You grow insulting, Sir : and I shall leave the 
room, [going.'] 

Sir E. Nay, that is more my duty. 

Mrs C. So I think ; but until you do, I shall. 

[Exit, slamming the door. 

Sir E. Oh ! very well, Ma'am, (he watches her out.) Go ? 
I should think so. Go ? I should like to know who woultf 
stay (sits down.) 

Re-enter Mrs. Chillingtone. 

Mrs. C. Not gone yet, Sir Edward ? 

Sir E. Returned so soon, Mrs. Chillingtone ? 

Mrs. C. Having a right to suppose the house clear, it 
surely was not very wonderful that I should return to my 
own drawing-room. 

Sir E. Oh, I'm gone. I merely came back to look for 
my little dog. [whistles.] Trim, Trim, Trim, (whistles again.) 
Where on earth has the dog got to ? Trim, Trim, Trim. 

Mrs. C. That was not your real excuse, Sir, so don't 
condescend to deceit. 

Sir E. You are right, it was not. I returned to prove 
that I was not quite a monster, and to take my leave some- 
what less abruptly 

Mrs. C. Why go at all ? 

Sir E. Do you wish me to remain on your account ? 

Mrs. C. Oh dear, no ; on your own. After being so ex- 
cessively warm, it might be dangerous to rush into this frosty 
air. (laughs at him.) Sudden changes sometimes produce as- 
tonishing effects. 

Sir E. (aside.) Sudden changes ! "I thank thee, Jew, 
for teaching me that word." I'll try a sudden change. 
(aloud.) I've no objection to staying an hour or two, as you 
seem to wish it. (goes to fire place — draws chair, and seats him- 
self with his back to her.) Have you got such a thing as a 
newspaper ? 

Mrs. C. A newspaper, Sir Edward ? A newspaper, in 
my company ! 

Sir E. Why not ? You went to sleep in mine. 

Mrs. C. I was not asleep, Sir. 

Sir E. Oh ! you were only pretending ? 



£0 A MORNING CALL. 

Mrs. C. That was all. I heard every word of the non- 
sense you talked. 

Sir E. Ah ! you may well call it nonsense. What rub- 
bish one does talk to women — doesn't one ? And the best 
of it is, they believe it — poor things ! 

Mrs. C. "Poor things," Sir Edward! "poor things!" 
You don't flatter yourself that I believed what you were 
saying ; although it was easy to see that you meant every 
word. 

Sir E. Have you seen the poker anywhere ? 

Mrs. C. The poker ! 

Sir E. What can there be in women that, although 
quick to detect us when we flatter others, they invariably 
gorge the bait themselves ? 

Mrs. C. /gorge the bait, Sir Edward ! — I ! 

Sir E. How can my remarks apply to you ? You are 
a professed man-hater. 

Mrs. C. I have never said anything of the sort. 

Sir E. Well, you have given out that you mean never 
to marry again ! 

Mrs. C. I don't know that I have gone so far as that ; 
but that has nothing to do with it. You have been for the 
last twenty minutes making me professions of admiration and 
attachment. I need hardly to tell you that they were per- 
fectly indifferent to me ; but the extraordinary alteration in 
your tone and manner gives me a right to have this question 
answered — did you mean them ? 

Sir E. (lavghing.) No. 

Mrs. C. Were you attempting to make a fool of me ? 

Sir E. (laughing.) Yes. 

Mrs. C. (aside.) This is a little too much. — (aloud.) Look 
you, Sir Edward Ardent, your assumed coldness 

Sir E. And your assumed excitement 

Mr*. C. I don't say that it is altogether assumed. 

Sir E. You're annoyed, then ? 

Mrs. C. Not the least annoyed ; but I'm excessively 
provoked at the deception you have practised. But it was 
not a deception — I won't admit that it was a deception. 
You were quite sincere. 

Sir E. Not I. 

Mrs. C. You admire me beyond any woman you ever 
saw. 



A. MORNING CALL. 21 

Sir E. Now, pray don't talk nonsense. 

Mrs. C. You do — and you love me to distraction 

Sir E. Don't I look as if I did ? 

Mrs. C. I don't care for that. You love me to distrac- 
tion — and if you don't, you ought. And whether you do or 
not, after what you have said, you are bound to marry me 
if I insist upon it ; and rather than you should go away and 
have the impertinence to brag to your male friends that you 
have had the best of it, I do insist upon it. So now, Sir, 
marry me, and then we shall see who has the best of it. 

Sir E. (altering his tone.) Are you serious ? 

Mrs C. Perfectly. 

Sir E. (rising, and coming forward.) Then for once, Mrs. 
Chillingtone, i" am serious. You had a perfect right to de- 
termine not to marry again ; but the pains you took to 
make that determination public, looked like a studied insult 
to us bachelors. At all events, it was so considered ; and, 
at a special meeting duly convened, it was voted that you 
should be made to break your resolution. I have succeeded 
in conquering your boasted aversion to mankind — but there, 
I regret to say, the task assigned me ends. In taking my 
leave, I will not affect to deny that I admire you ; or that 
I felt much — perhaps, too much — of what I said ; but all 
personal considerations must bend before a sense of public 
duty. It became necessary to read you a great moral lesson ; 
and — with a the sternness of a judge who carries out the 
wholesome rigours of the law, but with the feelings of a gen- 
tleman who grieves to pain a lady — I have read it. (bows, 
and is going. ) 

Mr%. C Stay, Sir Edward — (he stops and turns — (aside) 
Flesh and bood can't bear this, (aloud) Stay for a mo- 
ment, and ask yourself your true position. Victor as you 
think yourself, it's not a proud one. A set of men combine 
to form a plan against one poor weak woman : you are se- 
lected as their scape-goat : if you fail, they're ready with 
their jeers, — if you succeed, the victory is theirs — the odium 
yours. 

Sir E. (aside) I'm dreadfully afraid that's true 

Mrs. C. (aside.) Now for it (aloud.) And you have suc- 
ceeded but too well : my pride is humbled, — the advantages 
which you possess of face and figure 

Sir E. [aside.] Oho 1 



22 A MORNING CALL. 

Mrs. C. Those brilliant powers of conversation which Na- 
ture has given you, and which you so fatally can use, have 
brought me to your feet — and now you propose to leave me. 

Sir E. How is this ? Can it be that you really love 
me. 

Mrs. C. Can it be that you know yourself, and doubt it ? 
Oh, Sir Edward, would that the choice of my appointed con- 
queror had fallen on one less fascinating — or that your pride 
had been content to feed on victories past, nor claimed 
another female slave to chain to your triumphant chariot- 
wheels ! [much moved.'] But thus to conquer, and thus 
cruelly to leave, is but a wanton exercise of power, and may 
be likened to that of the fowler, who shoots the bird he 
cares not to preserve, for the mere pleasure of seeing the 
hapless creature die ! [ Weeps. 

Sir E. (aside.) Die ? D n it, she musn't die ! I've 

gone too far. (aloud, and with a patronising air.) No, no, 
my dear Mrs. Chillingtone — I have no pleasure in anything 
of the sort, I assure you. Calm yourself, I entreat you. I'm 
sure you won't attribute it to anything in the shape of van- 
ity, when I say that it is evident I have been a little more 
fascinating than I intended. I meant to win your consent, 
certainly — and I have won it ; but thinking — pardon me — 
that you were rather heartless fat least, so I understood 
you understand J I never dreamt — ('don't you see 1) — that 
I should touch your heart. It only shows that one never 
knows one's own powers : however, though thoughtless, and 
perhaps wild, I trust that I am still a gentleman ; (aside.) 
how deuced well she looks through her tears ! (aloud.) and 
rather than see a lady suffer on my account — (aside, hazing 
looked at her again.) oh, by George ! a man might do a great 
deal worse — (aloud.) I offer you, this time in all sincerity, 
my hand and fortune. 

Mrs. C. Sir Edward Ardent knows but little of the wo- 
man whom he honours with his pity, if he supposes she 
would wed a king upon such terms. It is my duty, howev- 
er, to thank you for your generous offer — the more generous 
because affection has no share in it. 

Sir E. Now, Mrs. Chillingtone, upon my word, you 
must not say that. I assure you, I'm extremely fond of you 
— I was afraid I was — I mea«, thought I was : but this last 
half hour has convinced me. 



A MORNING CALL 23 

Mrs. C. It will take longer to convince me. 

Sir E. Time is nothing — sincerity, everything. I am 
the most devoted of your slaves. 

Mrs. C. I'm sorry to hear it : the best slaves make the 
worst masters. 

Sir E. I'll promise anything. 

Mrs. C. So will a servant seeking a situation — so will a 
candidate for a seat in Parliament — and so, no doubt, would 
a king, were the office elective, 

Sir E. How can you hope to escape a risk which is 
common to all ? Any man may break his word. 

Mrs. C. And where women are concerned, most men do. 

Sir E. Men, not gentlemen. 

Mrs. C. Am I to understand that you are a gentleman, 
and not a man ? 

Sir E. At present, think of me only as a lover. 

Mrs. C. Which I presume, means neither. 

Sir E. It means either, both, or neither — at your bid- 
ding ; I am the slave of the lamp. 

Mrs. C. Say rather of the ring. 

Sir E. Good ; I am the slave of the ring, ready to obey 
you in all things. I entreat you make trial of your power. 

Mrs C. You shall be indulged. Fetch my bonnet and 
shawl » (tie goes for them) and while vou are about it, bring 
your own hat. (he returns with them.) Now put that on. (ht 
is about to put on Ms hat.) No, no, put on my bonnet 

Sir E. Not your bonuet ! 

Mrs C. Yes, and shawl, (he puts on the bonnet and shaicl.) 
Good, now give me your hat. (he gives it to her.) 

Sir E. What next, I wonder ? 

Mrs C. Now, Sir, according to your own modest ac- 
count, ladies have been making love to you all your life. I 
am curious to see how a lady looks when she so demeans 
herself ; (putting on his hat.) fancy me the fascinating man, 
which you evidently fancy yourself. Down on your knees, 
and 1 leave the rest to you. 

Sir E. Well, if I must — there, (kneds.) Hear me, then 
you captivating tyrant, while I own that I love you, and 
ask, in all humility, for a return. 

Mrs C. (aside.) I have him down at last, and there 1,11 
keep him. I fear I care too much about him, and love is 
sweet ; but to an insulted woman revenge is sweeter. 



24 A MORNING CALL. 

Sir E. I entreat you to relieve me from a position 
which is not only painful, but extremely inconvenient. 
Do you love me ? 

Mrs C. What if I do ? You are aware that all personal 
considetations must bend before a sense of public duty. It 
is necessary to read you a great moral lesson. 
Sir E. You do not love me, then ? 
Mrs C. (takihg of the hat, and throwing it away.) No ; I 
was shamming. 

Sir E. (rising, and throwing away t/ie bonnet and shawl.) 
So was I. 

Mrs C. Your assertion comes a little too late, Sir. 
What would you have me infer from your having been on 
your knees to me ? 

Sir E. That I have dusted them, and want a clothes-brush. 
Srs C. Indeed ! — my servant will furnish you with one 
as you go out. 

Sir. E. Yery well, Madam — I understand your hint : 
but remember, I go to bear witness to my friends that you 
accepted me, and I declined, — I'm bound to speak the truth. 
Mrs C. Ay, and the whole truth ; you will therefore be 
pleased to add, that subsequently I declined the honour you 
proposed. 

Sir E. I'm afraid that will make me look ridiculous. 
Mrs C. Not more than you do now, I think. 
Sir E. There is one way to make it bearable. 

Mrs C. And that is 

Sir E. Union is strength ; let us be married and share 
the ridicule between us. 

Mrs C. A very handsome offer ; half your ridicule is 
to be my marriage settlement. 

Sir E. Half all I possess on earth — nay the whole. I 
get the better half again if I get you. 

Mrs C. But will a general, so celebrated in the field of 
love, be content to renounce all future conquests ? 

Sir E. Let him but win this final battle, and he will. 
You shall be his Waterloo — in conquering you he masters 
all the world — for you, henceforth, are all the world to him. 
Mrs C. It seems that, like schoolboys, we have played 
till we have become in earnest. Well, (giving him her 
hand.) be it so ; and let us hope that our friends — though 
they may laugh at us, and welcome — will enjoy, each eve- 
ning, some pleasing reminiscence of "A Morning Call."^- 



(Catalogue continued from second page of i 



VOL. XLI. 

321 The Pirate's Legacy 

322 The Charcoal Burner 
823 Adelgitha 

324 Sen or Valiente 

325 Forest Rose 

326 Duke's Daughter 

327 Camilla's Husband 

328 Pure Gold 



VOL. XLII. 

329 Ticket of Leave Man 

330 Pool' s Revenge 

331 O'Neil the Great 

332 Handy Andy 

333 Pirate of the Isles 

334 Fanchon 

I 335 Little Barefoot 
336 Wild Irish Girl 



VOL. XLIII. 

337 Pearl of Savoy 

338 Dead Heart 



Bound Volumes, containing Eight Plays 

The Guide to the Stage, by Leman Thomas Rede. Containing Clear and F 
Theatrical Engagements, with complete and valuable instructions for beginners, relat 
ner of going through Rehearsals, securing proper dresses, conduct at a first appearan 
added a list of the principal English and American Theatres. Edited and adapted 
Francis C. Wemyss. 



Massey's Exhibition Reciter and Drawing Room Ent 
Being choice Recitations in prose and verse. Together with an uni 
Petite Comedies, Dramas and Farces, adapted for the use of Schoc 
By Charles Massey, Professor of Elocution at Burlington College 

chanics' Society School, New York City. Two numbers. 

The Two numbers, bound in cloth, School style 

Dramas for the Drawing- Room, by Miss Keating..., _ 

Plays for the Parlor, by Miss Keating 

Acting Charades, by Miss Pickering 

Joe Miller's Own Jest Book 

Life of a Showman, by David Prince Miller 

Punch and Judy, Illustrated 

Comic Dramas, for College, Camp, or Cabin, (Male Characters on] 

Dramas for Boys, (Male Characters only,) by Miss Keating 

Home Plays for Ladies, (Female Characters only,) complete in 
An Evening's Entertainment, an original Comedy, a Burlesqu 

Shakspeare's Proverbs, by Mrs. Cowdin Clarke 

Playgoer's Journal, 3 parts 



THE ETHIOPIAN DI 



No 



Robert Make-Airs. 

Box and Cox. 

Mazeppa. 

United States Mail. 

The Coopers. 

Old Dad's Cabin. 

The Rival Lovers. 

The Sham Doctor. 

Jolly Millers. 

"Villikins and his Dinnah. 

The Quack Doctor. 

The Mystic Spell. 

The Black Statue. 
The above Dramas have been produced with the utmost care, not c 
to the text, but to all the Stage Directions, Properties, and other n 
their being properly placed on the Stage. Although these Dramas 
for Ethiopian entertainments, they are well fitted for Private Theatrii 

KF* NOTICE. — Owing to the continued increase in price of Pre 
Binding, we shall be obliged to charge Fifteen Cents at Retail, for the i 
Drama.— January 1st, 1864. 

Any of the above sent by Mail or Express on receipt 

SAMUEL FRENCH, 

122 Nassat: 

Agent for Lacy's, Cumberland's, and "Webster 



1. 

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

6. 

7. 

8. 

9. 
10. 
11. 
12. 
13. 



.14. 


Uncle Jef 


15. 


The Miscl 


16. 


The Blacl 


17. 


The Magi 


18. 


The Wrec 


19. 


Oh, Husl 




ginny ' 


20. 


The Porti 


21. 


The Hop 


22. 


Bone Squ 


23. 


The Virg 


24. 


Thieves a 


25. 


Comedy < 



3H'S MINO 

ice 15 Cents each.— Bouni. " 



VOL. X. 

73 Ireland and America 

74 Pretty Piece of Business 

75 Irish Broom-maker 

76 To Paris and Back for 

Five Pounds 

77 That Blessed Baby 

78 Our Gal 

79 Swiss Cottage 

80 Youcg Widow 

VOL. XI. 

81 O'Flannigan and the Va- 

82 Irish Post [ries 

83 My Neighbor's Wife 

84 Irish Tiger 

86 P. P., or Man and Tiger 

86 To Oblige Benson 

87 State Secrets 

88 Irish Yankee 

VOL. XII. 

89 A Good Fellow 

90 Cherry and Fail- Star 

91 Gale Breezely 

92 Our Jemimy 

93 Miller's Maid 

94 Awkward Arrival 

95 Crossing the Line 

96 Conjugal Lesson 

VOL. XIII. 

97 My Wife's Mirror 
93 Life in New York 
99 Middy Ashore 

100 Crown Prince 

101 Two Queens 

102 Thumping Legacy 

103 Unfinished Gentleman 

104 House Dog 

VOL, XIV. 

105 The Demon Lover 

106 Matrimony 

107 In and Out of Place 
103 I Dine with My Mother 
109 Hi-a-wa-tha 

HO Andy Blake 

111 Love in '76 [ties 

112 Bomance under Difficul 

VOL. XV. 

113 One Coat for 2 Suits 

114 A Decided Case 

115 Daughter Lnority 

116 No ; or, the Glorious Mi- 

117 Coroner's Inquisition 

118 Love in Humble Life 

119 Family Jars 

120 Personation 

VOL. XVI. 

121 Children in the Wood 

122 Winning a Husband 

123 Day after the Fair 

124 Make Your Wills 

125 Rendezvous 

126 My Wife's Husband 

127 Monsieur Tonson 

128 Illustrious Stranger 

VOL. XVII 

129 Mischief-Making [Mines 

130 A Live Woman in the 

131 The Corsair 

132 Shylock 

133 Spoiled Child 

134 Evil Eye 

135 Nothing to Nurse 

136 Wanted a Widow 

VOL. XVIII. 

137 Lottery Ticket 

138 Fortune's Frolic 

139 Is he Jealous '/ 

140 Married Bachelor 

141 Husband at Sight 

142 Irishman in London 

143 Animal Magnetism 

144 Highways and By- Waysl 



VOL. 

145 Columbui. 

146 Harlequin Bluebeard 

147 Ladies at Home 

148 Phenomenon in a Smock 

Frock 

149 Comedy and Tragedy 

150 Opposite Neighbors 

151 Dutchman's Ghost 

152 Persecuted Dutchman 

VOL. XX. 

153 Musard Ball 

154 Great Tragic Revival 

155 High Low Jack & Game 

156 A Gentleman from Ire- 

157 Tom and Jerry |land 
15S Village Lawyer 

159 Captain's not A-miss 

160 Amateurs and Actors 

VOL. XXI. 

161 Promotion fual 

162 A Fascinating Individ- 

163 Mrs. Caudle 

164 Shakspeare's Dream 

165 Neptune's Defeat 

166 Lady of Bedchamber 

167 Take Care of Little 

168 Irish Widow | Charley 

VOL. XXII. 

169 Yankee Peddlar 

170 Hiram Hiieout 

171 Double- iseaded Room 
112 The Drama Defended 

173 Vermont Wool Dealer 

174 Ebenezer Venture |ter 

175 Principles /rom Charac- 

176 Lady of the Lake (Trav) 

VOL. XXIII. 

177 Mad Dogs 

178 Barney the Baron 

179 Swiss Swains 

180 Bachelor's Bedroom 
131 A Roland for an Oliver 

182 More Blunders than One 

183 Dumb Bjile 

184 Limerick Boy 

V'JL. XXIV. 

185 Nature and Philosophy 

186 Teddy the Tiler 

187 Spectre Bridgroom 

188 Matteo Falcone 

189 Jenny Lind 

190 Two Buzzards 

191 Happy Man 

192 Betsy Baker 

VOL. XXV. 

193 No. 1 Round the Corner 

194 Teddy Roe 

195 Obj. ct of Interest 

196 My Fellow Clerk 

197 Bengal Tiger 

198 Laughing Hyena 

199 The Victor Vanquished 

200 Our Wife 

VOL. XXVI. 

201 My Husband's Mirror 

202 Yankee Land. 

203 Norah Creina 

204 Good for Nothing 

205 The First Night 

206 The Eton Boy 

207 Wandering Minstrel 

208 Wanted, 1000 Milliners 

VOL. XXVII. 

209 Poor Pilcoddy 

210 The Mummy [Glasses 

211 Don't Forgetyour Opera 

212 Love in Livery 

213 Anthony and Cleopatra 
2)4 Trying It On. 

215 Stage Struck Yankee 
21C Young Wife & Old Urn 
breUa 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

PH. 

014 457 998 7 4ft 



218 A Family Failing 

219 Adopted Child 

220 Turned Heads 

221 A Match in the Dark 

222 A-ivice to Husbands 

223 Siamese Twins 

224 Sent to the Tower 

VOL. XXIX 

225 Somebody Else 

226 Lad.es' Battle 

227 Art of Acting 

228 The Lady of the Lions 

229 The Rights of Man 

230 My Husband' s Ghost 
Two Can Play at that 

Game 

232 Fighting by Proxy 
VOL. XXX. 

233 Unprotected Female 

234 Pet of the Petticoats 

235 Forty and Fifty 1 book 

236 Mho Stole the Pocket- 

237 My Sen Diana |sion 

238 Unwarrantable Intru- 

239 Mr. and Mrs. White 

240 A Quiet Family 

VOL. XXXI. 

241 Cool as Cucumber 

242 Sudden Thoughts 

243 Jumbo Jum 

244 A Blighted Being 

245 Little Toddlekins 

246 A Lover by Proxy [Pail 

247 Maid with the Milking 

248 Perplexing Predicament 

VOL. XXX' 1. 

249 Dr. Dilworth 

250 Out to Nirse 

251 A Luckj Hit 

252 The Dowager 

253 Metamora (liurlesque) I 

254 Dreams of Delusion 

255 The Shakrr Lovers 

256 Ticklish Times 

VOL. XXXIII. 

257 20 Minutes with a Tiger 

258 Miralda: or, the Justice 
of Tacon 

259 A Soldier' s Courtship 

260 Servants by Legacy 

261 Dying for Love 

262 Alarming Sacrifice 

263 Valet de Sham 

264 Nicholas Nickleby I 
VOL. XXXIV. 

265 The Last of the Pigtails 

266 King Rene's Daughter 

267 The Grotto Nymph 

268 A Devilish Good Joke 

269 A Twice Told Tale 

270 Pas de Fascination 

271 Revolutionary Soldier 

272 A Man Without a Head 
VOL. XXXV. 

273 The Olio, Parti 

274 The Olio, Part 2 

275 The Olio, Part 3 [ter 

276 TheTrumpeter'sDaugh- 

277 Seeing Warren 

278 Green Mountain Boy 

279 That Nose 

280 Tom Noddy's Secret 

VOL. XXXVI. 

281 Shocking Events 

282 A Regular Fix 

283 Dick Turpin 
234 Young Scam/ 

285 Young Actress 

286 Call at No 1-7 

287 One Toncn of Nature. 

288 Two B'hoys 



CS* Any Play sent by Mail or Express, on receipt of 1-5 cents, in money or stamps. 
All orders will receive prompt attention. 

•/An Alphabetical List of 3000 Plays sent by Mall on receipt of a Postage Stamp. 
SAMUEL FRENCH, Publisher. 122 Nassau St. (op stairs). 



